


The Kids Aren't Alright

by StopLookingHere



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Army, Blood, F/M, Romance, Violence
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-07-28
Updated: 2016-02-04
Packaged: 2018-04-11 15:46:57
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 12
Words: 11,340
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4441769
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/StopLookingHere/pseuds/StopLookingHere
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The Survey Corps are a branch of the US Military assigned to missions regarding the Titan Movement, a movement of violence and weird science. This is the story of Private Hange Zoe, growing up, and the hopeless romantic yet cynical Sergeant Levi Ackerman.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. the days before

"Are you sure this is what you want to do?" The adoption home mother asked a young woman with wire-rimmed glasses. The woman with glasses bent over the well-loved wooden kitchen table, a blue pen cap in her mouth and her hair falling messily over her shoulders. She wore a pair of black jeans and a soft yellow button down, and had the air of someone who had just stepped out of a shower.

"I'm sure," the woman replied. She went through the forms once again, checking boxes and writing on lines she'd left blank for later use. In her narrow cursive, she signed her name on them, _Zoe Hange._

"It's just... Hange, I've watched you grow up. I don't want to see you go," the home mother wrapped her arms around Hange's waist. "You've grown so tall; it's hard to hug you properly anymore."

"Maman... I'm eighteen in a couple weeks. I don't have a job, or a car, or any real life ambition. This is the best thing for me," Hange sighed and folded the forms over into an envelope, sealing it with a dip of her finger into her water glass. "I don't want to leave you either, but it's not my choice anymore. I need to go give this to the mailman before he comes and goes. Please let go of me."

Maman reluctantly uncurled herself from Hange, watching the young woman apply the first class stamps she'd purchased yesterday at the post office to the envelope before opening the screen door and waving the mailman down just in time. The small bow she gave the man was a habit she'd never broken, one that would be hard to break in her adult life. Seeing that bow, maman teared up until she felt a hand grab her arm.

"She knows what she's doing, I hope," maman's husband said to her.

"I trust her," maman replied, wiping her eyes. "I just do not trust the rest of the world."

It was three days later that Hange received a letter back, in a cream envelope stamped with the government seal. She'd been accepted, and was to report to the recruiting office at any time on her eighteenth birthday. She did not cheer, but rather set the letter opener down on the kitchen counter, gathered the contents in her hand, and woodenly made her way up the stairs to her bedroom. She was packed two weeks in advance. Maman found her later that night sitting on the edge of her bed, one hand on the dial to turn off her nightlamp, the other steady as she re-read the letter over again.

She re-read the letter every night like that until September 5th, her birthday.


	2. travel

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hi, I just wanted to ask in advance for anyone to please correct me if I get any information regarding the base/military procedures etc. wrong. if it offends you, please tell me, so I can fix it and remember to not repeat my mistakes in the future!
> 
> orz this was supposed to be posted a couple days ago but ao3's downtime has been a hinderance... so a double chapter is in order. :-)

     September 5th started out like any other day, but quickly escalated into a completely different day. Along with her birthday came the festivities, of many children and teens singing to her, giving her presents, and food. At noon things died down finally, and Hange found herself putting unopened presents into the nooks and crannies of her suitcase before zipping it shut and carefully carrying it down the stairs. Maman and Papaw stood at the kitchen table, the keys to the car in his hand and tears tracking down her face once again. Hange nodded to them, gesturing to the suitcase.  
     Everyone knew Hange was leaving today, under the impression that her age was the excuse. No, her age was no excuse. Only a handful of people knew about her choice... and most of that handful would hopefully be following her when their birthdays came too.  
     They drove her to the recruitment agency, where she received the information of which base she would spend time at, and more forms to fill out. At the agency, she was stripped down naked, and determined to be in physical and mental fitness after being prodded and poked. When she was dressed again, maman started crying again, and papaw only sighed when he saw the address and said they'd need to get gas.   
     There was a man waiting for them at the gates with a bored expression and a rather short stature, a golf cart idling. He told them that their car couldn't pass through here, and he'd be taking Hange from here to the base.        There was a teary farewell in which Hange did her best to keep a stony face at, and she grabbed her suitcase before boarding into the short man's golf cart.  
They drove for a little while, until a series of cement buildings showed up in her view. Each one was rather plain, but marked clearly with what the intended use was. The area around it had several strange-looking obstacles in the grass, with lines made in orange spray paint. She assumed that was training. There was a large building to the side, a gymnasium, maybe? It was a rather impressive place, but lacked windows.  
     "My name is Sergeant Levi Ackerman," the short man said. "Welcome to the base."

 


	3. what introductions

     "Alright, Private. It's going to take awhile to get you sorted out, so do me a favor and follow my superior, Oluo, to your rooms." Levi gestured to an older-looking man who nodded. "There's still a lot of paperwork, considering you had your medical exams today."  
     "Come with me. What's your name, newbie?" Oluo said, starting off towards what she assumed were the female quarters.  
     "Hange Zoe, Sir." She replied, hastily grabbing her suitcase and following him.  
     "Hmm, Hange?" Oluo raised an eyebrow. "I knew your parents. They served well in their time."  
     Hange looked up at him, shocked. "My parents were here too, sir?"  
     "Yeah," Oluo grunts. "It's weird to see you here now. I'm surprised they let you come, considering the shit they saw."  
     She sighed. "Sir, I'm here because it's the only place for me to be."  
     "Where's your country pride?" Oluo asked in a suddenly harsh tone. "You're coming here on last resort? Maybe that's why they let you come. They were always too emotional, terrible on the fi-"   
     Oluo's rant was suddenly cut off in a yelp of pain. He'd bitten his tongue. Hange took this advantage to casually mention, "My parents are dead for all I know, Oluo. I didn't know them. Please don't speak terribly of them."  
     He only glared at her, thickly mentioning something about fighting for her country. They'd reached the female quarters now, a long room lined on two walls with bunk beds.  
     "This is yours," he said, his tongue still making his voice sound odd. "To the left are the bathrooms. Store your stuff under your bed and in the dressers, but don't get too attatched. Toiletries are provided, ask the med office for any medications, and lights off at ten PM. Feel free to wander around, everyone's at lunch right now."  
     "Thank you, sir." Hange nodded, heaving her suitcase onto the bottom bunk of the bed. There didn't seem to be anyone bunking with her yet, so that was pretty nice. She unpacked a couple of her things into the dresser drawer with her name labeled, finding she was next to two girls named 'Brzenska, Rico' and 'Carolina, Mina.' The names were not familiar, but it was comforting to know she wouldn't be alone. Hange left the presents from her birthday at the bottom of the suitcase unopened, saving them for a later time and date. Besides, where would she dispose of the wrapping paper?  
     She wandered into the bathroom, finding it to be one of the cleanest bathrooms she'd ever been in. Stark white flooring, cornflower tiled walls, and bright flourescent lighting only intensified the feeling. It had showers on one wall with curtains pushed back to give some privacy, toilet stalls on the other wall with locking doors, and sinks towards the back, giving it a very T shape. By the sinks Hange found a place to store her toiletries, deciding to leave the feminine products in a more... public place. Middle school had taught her girl code: no matter how much you hated someone, everyone had a period, and you better damn well give them something if they needed it.   
     When Hange was finished situating herself, she pushed her suitcase under her bed and heard footsteps coming. A woman with shoulder-length silvery hair walked in, with a petite black-haired girl following her. They walked over to Hange's bed, and grinned.  
     "Hey, roomie." The silver haired one said. "I'm Rico, this is Mina. I guess we're sharing now, Zoe?"  
     "Hange," she corrected. "And yeah, I guess so."  
     "Nice to meet you, Hange!" Mina said, her voice mirroring her figure. "It's pretty easy to get along in here. Just don't take people's stuff, don't stay up after lights out, and don't get us in trouble for anything else."   
     "Note taken. I put some stuff in the bathroom, feel free to use it. And, my stuff in my drawer isn't really personal either, so it's ok if you use that too," Hange relaxed against the bedpost.   
     "Alrighty," Rico replied. "We just got done with lunch. You missed the morning workouts, but there's some stuff later tonight. I think they'll announce we have a new recruit during dinner? So don't miss that. We'll show you around, if you want."  
     Hange smiled and nodded 'yes.' "What should I expect from tomorrow?"  
     Mina motioned to a piece of paper tacked up on the wall by the dresser. "That, basically. Wake up at six AM, workout until eight, strategy meetings and specialized stuff until eleven-thirty lunch, half an hour of free time, simulated missions until three, then more specialized stuff. Dinner at six, and the rest of it is free time. Most people spend their free time training though, so don't use it lazily. Oh, and lights out at ten."  
     She sat for a minute, absorbing this before nodding and joining the two girls. It seemed that the schedule here would be rather strict. _Oh well, she'd always wanted to get into order,_ she figured.


	4. an analyzation of sustenance

     The next morning was eventful, to say the least. Hange Zoe found out the hard way that she was not a morning person, and had to run an extra lap on the track before breakfast due to her grogginess. She hadn't had to do the entire routine, but rather a set of diagnostics for drill sergeant Shadis to determine what she could start off with. He was tough on her, and gave her a long list of exercises to do for tomorrow morning and the coming evening. By the end of it, she was in dire need of breakfast.   
     The dining hall was large, catering to people of all ranks and genders and dietary needs. She found herself with something familiar from when she was at the orphanage: grits, toast, and water.   
     "You need protein," Mina greeted her with when she sat her tray down next to Hange. "You're skinny enough to begin with..."  
     Hange shook her head. "Sorry, force of habit. What has protein? It's too early in the morning."  
     Mina laughed. "It's eight o'clock, girl. Late morning the rest of us now. Try eggs, cheese, chicken... there's loads to eat here. It's a luxury, really. Don't get too used to it."  
     "I'll get something with protein tomorrow, I promise." Hange said, setting her fork down and stretching. The uniform she'd been provided was new; it was stiff from lack of wear, despite her running this morning. "Why shouldn't I get used to the food? It's good, I mean."  
     "When you're deployed, you don't get good food. You get whatever food you're provided, and oftentimes you don't like it. You pretty much learn to stomach anything," the black haired girl sighed. "I'm afraid I've lost my taste for food, really. It's just nutrition now, I don't even like spinach."  
     It was true. None of the things that Mina had gotten for breakfast even looked vaguely compatible in terms of taste, but they all complemented each other when it came to their health value. She had an omelet with peeks of spinach and chicken wrapped inside, a green smoothie, and plain greek yogurt.   
     "Yeah, that makes sense," Hange replied, waking up a little. Man, why didn't she eat better at the orphanage? It would have probably helped her situation right now, too. She finished her food and returned the tray, noticing out of the corner of her eye that Sergeant Ackerman was sitting alone with only a pot of tea and a cup in front of him.  
     "Mina?" She asked hesitantly.  
     "Mmmhmm?" Mina replied, her mouth full of omelet.   
     "Is it okay to talk to the sergeant as a private?" She asked, her breath hitching.  
     "Is he alone again?" When Mina saw Hange's nod, she shook her head. "Nah, he's thinking when he's got that teapot out. Don't bother."  
     "Private Hange," Levi's voice called as she was about to leave the dining hall. "Follow me today, we have business to take care of." Waving goodbye to Mina, Hange decided she had no choice but to follow him.


	5. a test of faith

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i profusely apologize for the triple post of chapter four!

"So... you met Shadis today. I see you're making friends with your bunkmates, good. There are a couple things I'd like to check up on, and a couple tests I'd like to administer over the couple few days. I just thought I'd warn you in advance," Levi said as they walked through the hallways. He was a good couple inches shorter than Hange, and for the first time, she got a good look at him. He had dark hair, almost the color of Mina's, but it hung away from his forehead and she was surprised to see the bottom half of it shaved. His bored expression seemed to be a permanent facial setting for him, only accented by the serious gaze he set upon the world.

"Yes sir. Is there anything wrong, or is this just the equivalent of paperwork?" Hange walked slower than usual, her long stride matching two of Levi's.

"The latter," he said, knocking on a door. "Wait a moment here."

A voice from inside the door gave a faint "come in" and Hange was left outside in the hallway. She leaned against the white wall and dug the heel of her boots into the speckled tile, folding her arms and observing the otherwise nondescript hallway.

 

* * *

 

"Levi, sit, please."

Levi followed as instructed, pulling up a chair across from the blonde-haired commander. "Morning, Erwin. I've got the new girl sitting outside, so if you don't mind making this quick..."

Erwin spun behind himself in his chair and began measuring out coffee. "Oh yeah, I suppose it is morning. I wanted to talk to you about her, actually. Is she settling in alright?"

"Seems to be. Pretty naive, that one. However, she's trained herself before she came here. She already has the required amount of strength and endurance to be on the field, but I don't think her mind is quite there yet," Levi replied as he watched Erwin flip the top back on the coffee maker and set it to brew.

"Now see, I want to get her out on the field as soon as possible. I'm thinking the next deployment in two weeks," Erwin spun around again and clasped his hands on the desk in front of him.

"And get her killed? I haven't even..." Levi's face screwed up in confusion. "I don't think she's ready. I don't know, to be honest. I haven't done anything with her yet to determine her readiness."

"They say the best way to get used to a new place is to be thrown into it with no knowledge of it. I feel like something satisfactory will come from that girl if we push her to her limits."

Levi stood up abruptly, heading for the door. Before leaving he said behind him, "You always try to get the pretty ones out there, you know? I don't want to lose another set of comrades due to your rash decisions."

With that statement he left, leaving Erwin with a small grin on his face. He checked Hange Zoe down for deployment in two weeks and stowed her file back in his cabinet for archival.

 

* * *

 

"Private!" The shout of her sergeant awoke Hange from her quiet doze against the wall, and she quickly shook her head, ready to be reprimanded. But now that she thought about it, Sergeant Ackerman did not look angry, rather amused with her sleeping.

"Don't let me catch you sleeping again," he said. "C'mon, first test."

"Sir, what will this test regard?" She asks.

He glances at her. "You'll find out soon enough. It's just a series of questions, but your responses determine the level of question you receive."

Confused, Hange nodded. She followed him to another office down the hall, this one empty with all but a chair facing a desk. Levi locked the door behind them, turning on the fluorescent light. It was a blank room, the same color and tiling as the hallway. Windowless, though. Levi sat down on the desk, and she sat in the chair, feeling the lights bear down on her.

"Where should I start, I guess? Tell me a little bit about yourself, Miss Zoe."

Hange gave a start at his name for her, but recovered quickly. "My name is Zoe Hange, but I prefer Hange. I was born and raised in Trost, and had parents until I was about five years old, I'm told, until they abandoned me in our home. I was soon taken to the Trost Orphanage, and have lived there up until now."

Sergeant Ackerman nodded. "No parents? You're quite well-mannered for an orphan. Ever been adopted and taken back?"

"Once," she replies. "It was to an older couple. They simply didn't have the energy to take care of me and they didn't realize it until everything had been completed... I ended up taking more care of them than they did me."

"The orphanage couple taught you things, then?" She nods, and he continues. "I'm just shocked at the maturity that eighteen year olds have anymore... I sure as hell wasn't the way you are..."

"So tell me Private, why does Oluo tell me this is your last resort? Are you hoping to die here?" He asks, his eyes narrowing.

Hange shook her head vehemently. "No sir! I'm here because I don't have any real interests in life right now, do you know what I mean? I finished high school early and have been preparing for this since then. I wanted to go to college, but then I realized I can't pay for it, and I really can't pay for anything or get out on my own, but I was being kicked out of the orphanage for my age, so... the benefits of this place outweigh my normal life."

"You're wrong. Normal life is much better than here.  Everyone at this base has been deployed at least once, and seen the horrors on the field. There is no benefit to seeing the field," Levi responds, his eyes narrowing and his arms crossing.

"Are you trying to talk me out of joining the military, military man?" She asked.

"You're young. You're naive. You've never killed someone on orders and had to live with yourself afterwards," Levi kept his tone emotionless for that.

She crossed her arms and sat up straight, annoyed with him. "I'm well aware that I'm probably going to end up killing someone here!

"Do you have even an inkling of care for other human beings?" Levi almost shouted, crossing the room in one sweep and leaning over her figure on the chair. "So you'd rather kill, or be killed? What about seeing your comrades die in from of you? Who are you dying for, your country or yourself? Do you even give a damn?"

"Sir, I do care, however my country and my comrades come first before someone else. The consequences of this choice, although in some cases regretful, are consequences I must put up with in order to stay in this program," Hange said, her voice stronger than she had ever heard in her life. "Sir, I believe in self-preservation, of both my own body and my country. On the field, if I'm an idiot, you have every right to shoot me on the spot if I'm going to endanger our survival and victory."

Levi looked at Hange, his eyes cold, until he suddenly broke into an almost-grin. “Welcome to the army, private. You have quite an interesting mindset."

The sudden lack of tension was a relief to Hange, but she kept her face rather blank. "Thank you, Sir." For some reason, she really didn't want to truly anger him, less out of intimidation and more out of pure fear for whomever would be the receiver of his anger.

Levi chuckled under his breath. "Please, drop the formalities. Let's talk for a moment, and take that look off your face, you look constipated."

Hange didn't know how to respond, so she merely dropped her shoulders and nodded. Her outbreak had exhausted her, without really meaning to.

"You're a strong soldier, I'll give you that. It's going to be interesting to be working with you," he said in an unfamiliar tone. It sounded something like admiration? She'd never heard it from someone before.

"Thank you," she said, unsure of what else to say. "C-can we move on, sir?"

Levi seemed to realize his position was still that of standing quite close to her, and he brusquely stood up. "Of course, Private. Next test is a medical thing, so I'm going to leave you there."

"Alrighty," she stood up herself too, finding her legs felt like jello. She steadied herself for a moment before taking a deep breath and yet again following Levi through the still boring hallways, oddly wondering just how soft the fuzz on the back of Levi's head would feel.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> erwin has reasons, i promise he is not a dick.


	6. muddy

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> When I began the 52 in 52 fic set, something in me clicked that I have no right to abandon a fic and then begin a set of new ones. Considering about seventy percent of this was written before things went awful, and considering how good of a mood I've been in lately (!!!) I figured what the hell, combined with the fact that this has been brewing in my head for awhile, I decided to finish this finally.
> 
> Dear readers: The Kids Aren't Alright has an ending. Please be patient as I stagger these chapters, but the end will come. I love you all. Thank you so much for your comments of support. If you have any feedback or suggestions, send them to coldcocoamilk on tumblr or twitter (either is fine!).

Soon Hange learned that she not only needed to update her eyeglass prescription, but she wouldn't be allowed to wear her beloved wire frames while she was on the field. She spent half an hour explaining to the nurse that contacts were not an option due to her inability to deal with literally anything entering her eye region, until they finally decided to give her two sets of lenses: one set to go into her wire frames, and one set to go into a pair of goggle-like glasses that strapped to her head and wouldn't fall off. She was satisfied when they even gave her leather straps for the goggles,

She also was told that if any of the muscle she'd gained over the past couple months was to stay, she would have to eat better and include more protein... an echo of what Mina had said earlier.

Hange was handed many forms, these less about writing information down and more about answering questionnaires. Mental health surveys, physical health surveys, general knowledge surveys... they didn't seem to end. By the time she was finished with everything at the medical ward, her butt hurt from the uncomfortable chairs, her hand was cramping something awful, and it was almost dinnertime. She made her way down to the dining hall, chose a dinner with plenty protein, and acquainted herself with more people, in particular a tawny haired woman with a kind face named Petra.

Hange soon fell into a familiar scheduled routine, and the weeks passed without less errors and more learning ideas. She learned more about herself in the coming weeks than she had ever imagined, and soon she found herself learning more about the ever mysterious Ackerman man thanks to the help of Petra. The two were grudging friends, or maybe “comrades” as they were supposed to call to each other. She learned he had a passion for tea, and he learned she had a passion for learning, especially about the world.

“It’s part of why I felt it would be good to do this,” Hange tells him one afternoon before bed. “I mean, it’s not the only reason, and I know the rarity of actually being deployed somewhere that I can learn about the place is really rare, but I’m willing to take whatever I get.”

“You’ll risk your life to learn?” Levi asks her, draining his teacup and refilling it from the humble blue pot on the table. “You’re strange, Four-Eyes.”

Ah, that nickname: Four-Eyes. It was so elementary, and the first time he called her they were training outside in the pouring rain, covered in slick mud and she thought she had a snail in her hair. She lost her focus, her hands slipping from the shiny pull-up bar and landing face first in the mud, garnering a “tch” from Levi as she laughed at herself.

“Now you’re even dirtier than before,” he scoffs, lowering himself from the bar and crossing his arms. He does not hold his hand out to her to help her up, but instead crosses his arms and smirks.

“Clean Freak!” She shrieks out, accepting her muddy fate and gripping the pole next to her, shaking her glasses off her face. They were covered in mud anyways, making them more detrimental than helpful.

“Hey now,” he shakes his head. “You’re one to talk, Four-Eyes.”

Her hand slips on the pole when she tries to get up, resulting in more mud being splashed everywhere. “Let’s go in, Clean Freak. I’m in no shape to do pullups, and we’re almost done.”

Levi shakes his head again. “That means double tomorrow, you know,” he says and pulls her up by her arm. For such a small man, he’s surprisingly strong.

“I know,” she replies, making her way to the showers.


	7. [beep] deploying...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> graphic descriptions here, although I tried to skate around things as much as possible. if you're easily disturbed by violence involving children, scroll down to the bottom for a TL;DR.

“Private, it’s your first deployment,” Sergeant Ackerman said sternly to Hange. “You’re going to be a footman, and I’ll be straight with you: that sucks. Boot camp pays off, though.”

“I’ll take note of that, Sir,” Hange gripped her headset in her hands. “Any tips?”

“Don’t get caught out. Don’t get shot. Stay alive. And keep those goggles on, they’re quite an advantage,” he orders. “Private Hange, what are your favorite flowers?”

She blinks, caught off guard by his question. “My favorite flowers?”

He nods, his eyebrows scary but his eyes kind. “Yes, so I know what to bury you with one day.”

“Sunflowers,” she states. “And yours?”

“Lavender,” he fishes in the breast pocket of his uniform, taking out a small sachet of the purple-gray flowers. “Everything about lavender, from the smell to the taste. If you stay alive, I’ll buy you sunflowers.”

“I’ll keep that in mind,” she tells him, making her way to her assigned seat on the plane next to Mina and Rico. It is nothing comfortable, quite cramped, and she can already tell it’s going to be very hot and long journey.

* * *

They threw themselves against the nearby wall, knocking into each other and narrowly evading a spray of bullets set in their direction. _It is too hot,_ Hange thought with this new body against hers. Despite the heat, Hange couldn't deny that underneath the uniforms and the heavy gear they wore, Levi was still pretty soft to knock into. The sound of gunfire near her broke her from her train of thought, the sound of Oluo firing back from above. Against this wall, nobody could see them, not even their squad; all they could do was allow themselves to be defended until they could move again.

This wasn’t the first bad situation they had been in since being deployed, but it was one of the most irritating. Being in a situation where you had to depend on others to stay alive was always shaky at best. Regardless, they stood flat against the wall and listened to the shouts of Mike and Nanaba working with Oluo to ensure their safety.

At some point since being deployed, about three weeks in, a new plane came in with fresh recruits, containing some of her best friends. The presence of Mike and Nanaba was welcomed by everyone, the constant banter between them always peppered with expletives a stark difference between the usual somber evening silences.

It was against this wall that Levi and Hange's eyes met, all their pent up tension from the past couple months spilling over. She pulled her goggles up to her forehead, wiping the sweat from her upper lip.

"If I'm going to die here, I-" Hange started, but was interrupted with something soft and warm against her mouth. His lips were gritty from the sand, his intent desperate and human.

Levi broke the kiss, too short for their liking. "You aren't going to finish that sentence nor are you going to die here, Shitty-Glasses. Put your goggles back on and get ready to run."

She nodded, her head slightly hazy still. Oluo's voice above them cleared it, and she didn't hesitate before sprinting away, Levi following her close behind.

"This next home contains a man and woman who are main information carriers to the titan movement; taking them out ensures they cannot be informed that we are here speedily and reliably. This is important. Don't fuck this up," Levi said in Hange's helmet. "I've taken position in case this goes bad. Seriously, don't fuck it up.”

There were various words of acknowledgement from the team before Oluo gestured towards the door. They lined up, Oluo kicked in the door, and there was suddenly vision into the cramped home. It was a one-roomer, made out of some kind of study brick and plaster mix, and the walls inside were blank except for what appeared to be crayon drawings of animals and people drawn by a small child. In the corner sat that said child, a woman with a headscarf on leaning over them. A man with a long beard sat at the table at the other corner of the room by the window, his head jerking up when they entered.

Hange moved in behind him, aiming at the two figures towards the back of the house. With a swift movement of her finger, she felt the recoil of her gun and the reverberation of the body hitting the floor through the soles of her boots. She saw the woman hit the floor before she felt it, and after the 'all clear' was given, Oluo moved to check the body. Someone, probably Petra, repeated the same motion what Hange had with the male. It was in the sudden lack of tension in the room that Hange remembered the small child.

For a moment, the world stood still. The child was no older than five years old, standing and gripping the edge of her dress in both hands, a crayon still gripped between the fabric and her hand. The child looked at the boots that Hange wore, the camouflage uniform she bore. And suddenly, Levi's orders to move out were very quiet in her ears when the child began to scream. It was unlike anything Hange had ever heard. It wasn't a scream of fear, or of panic or defiance, but rather a scream to replace words that didn't exist for emotions without descriptions. Deaf to all but the child, Hange stumbled her way out of the home to follow the rest of the troop.

Levi met up with them about halfway back to the safe zone, nodding and giving his rare thumbs up to them when he saw everyone was okay. He said something to her and patted her back, noticing how pale she was, but accepting it was probably part of the killing people shock. Eventually her hearing came back through dinner. Hange pushed back the thoughts in her head, simply replacing them with, "It was a mission. It was a mission. It was a mission." She repeated this until she felt returned to herself and was able to complete the mission for them: she translated the orders they'd found on the dead couple and learned that they had come just in time, for the couple had plans to leave in the morning and warn the titan movement of the Americans. It was with this information they also learned the three other messengers, and promptly eliminated them over the course of a couple days.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TL;DR: Hange and Levi talk about flowers. They board the plane. There's a timeskip, they're on a mission, and they have to raid a home which contains messengers regarding the titan movement. There's a kid there who they don't kill, but they kill her parents. Hange feels like shit.


	8. coca-cola for the soul

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> eh, screw staggering it.   
> description of death in here, but not too graphic. TL;DR is at the bottom.

Considering how successful this mission had gone, there was a small period of time that they had to rest before going off to the next area. They had been told it would only be twelve hours at most, but when fourteen hours hit it was obvious that they’d be staying a bit longer. For whatever reason, Erwin chose to keep them on the ground, encouraging them to go into the local towns and neighborhoods and gauge the reaction that the citizens had to soldiers. They were allowed to answer any questions if necessary and were encouraged to be friendly. By nightfall, everyone had made their way back and was dead asleep, glad for the break in routine.

“Sergeant,” said Hange from the doorway of the barracks in their base, a local abandoned house that had the same appearance as the house they raided. The only difference was that the floors in here were finished, but in such an odd way that made them slanted in directions that didn’t make any structural sense. “Can I talk to you, sir?”

He was the only person awake in the barracks at the moment, everyone else snoring way. “Sure, Private,” he said tying the knot on his boots.

“I wanted to talk to you about a couple days ago…” Hange’s tongue grew fuzzy in her mouth. _What if he thinks I’m weak? I can’t show weakness at that. Everyone does it._

Levi stood up from his cot and met her eyes, almost level thanks to the odd slant of the floor. He holds out an arm. “Let’s take a walk, Hange.”

The two comrades linked arms, sneaking out the back of the base to avoid being seen. Their location was very lucky, being right on the edge of what was civilization in the middle of this harsh climate yet still rural enough to avoid attention. They walked down a well-trodden dirt path to the town, their arms never unlinking and their boots kicking up small tufts of dust as they went.

“When I first saw someone die, my mother had more alcohol than blood in her body,” Levi starts. His gray eyes are clouded, the odd fringe of his hair framing them. “When I first killed someone, it was much cleaner. You see, my mother didn’t die nicely and just fall asleep like television shows people to die of alcohol poisoning. Rather, she started to vomit first.”

Hange looked down at Levi, her mouth parted in shock. She had no words to explain what was in her head at the moment.

“After she vomited, she choked, and then there was a lot of blood. So, my first experience with death was not very clean, and my father ridiculed me for the nightmares that woke me up every night. Killing someone in the military?” He tightened his arm around hers. “There was nobody to shame me for that. It was a do or die situation.”

“You got a pat on the back out of sympathy first, then you got a pat for living,” Hange realized.

“Yes. So, I’m probably the wrong person to talk to about this, but I’ll listen to you.”

The brunette shook her head. “Actually, it’s not so much the killing part that bothers me. People die, it’s a very human thing to happen when there’s a wound in one of your vital organs. I’m bothered by that little girl.”

Levi breathed deeply. They were at a bend of the path that was unlit, both the town and their base visible from here yet no light reached them. He unlinked their arms, instead taking both her hands in his.

“That child… I wish we killed her,” he lowered his face as he said it. “She won’t ever grow up without the image of her parents dying in front of her every day when she wakes up.”

Hange let out a shuddering breath. “That’s exactly what I was thinking, but I feel terrible. I feel so terrible for just leaving her there.”

He suddenly snapped his head back up, a stark contrast to just a moment ago. “Yet, we must live with no regrets, and make the choices we will not regret. It was better to let an innocent life live than die.”

She watches him recollect himself, the familiar frown appearing on his face before she can count to five. “You’re amazing,” she remarks quietly.

“What?” He asks, the frown breaking for a second. “I’m a killer, I’m not amazing.”

“No, you’re actually amazing,” her voice gains momentum as she continues speaking. “You have to make some of the hardest split-second decisions, and even if sometimes you wish you could have taken a different route, but you’re comfortable living with yourself either way. I admire that.”

This time the kiss isn’t desperate or interrupted by gritty sand, but rather slow and sweet and something else outside of that first one. It’s the kind of kiss that makes her feel like there’s electricity in her lips and a fire at the bottom of her stomach. It’s the kind of kiss that lets Levi put his calloused hands on her face, cupping her jaw as he deepens it and explores her mouth. It’s the kind of kiss where they’re not sure exactly how much time passes, but when they break away the worlds somehow changed.

Neither of them speak, but rather link hands and continue on the road to the town, swinging their arms in unison like a pair of elementary age children. When they reach the town, the vendors are mostly closed except for one lone shop with its lights on. They knock, the door being answered by a kind faced woman with a deep green headscarf on. She calls for her husband, opening the door wider to let them in.

                The shop sells various trinkets, from jewelry to books. Some of the wares are handmade, and some of them are clearly commercial, as this seems to be the curio vender in the town.  Hange buys herself two disposable cameras and two Coca-Colas, while Levi sits by the jewelry for some time.

They leave and thank the vendor, popping open the two Colas and savoring the sweet bubbly beverage. On the walk home, Hange takes photos of the vendor and his family, his shop, and of Levi drinking Cola from a red and white striped straw.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TL;DR: Hange wants to talk to Levi about that kid in the previous chapters. They go on a walk and Levi shares his first experiences with death, explaining how his mother drunk herself to death, leading to a messy death which made the kills he took for his own seem more.. sterile, I want to say? They have a heart to heart, kiss, and then go get soda pop and a camera at a local shop.


	9. blood

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [Thumper, the Super Cool Ski Instructor]: If you don't like violence, murder, and terrible things happening to Hange, you're going to have a bad time.
> 
> This is one of the most difficult things I have ever written.

It’s early in the morning when Hange first senses that something is wrong. Levi’s sitting next to her, having talked well into the night about their interests and experiences in life until the first signs of dawn approaching were visible. His head snaps up at the same time the hairs on the back of her neck rise, the two comrades sharing a glance before silently sneaking into the barracks again.

“Wake everyone up. Something’s not right,” Levi orders her. She does as she’s told, waking everyone she knows and parroting his orders. As an afterthought, she tells them to ready up and load their guns as quiet as they possibly can. And under no circumstance should any sign of life be seen in this barrack, even if you had to sneeze. Hange shoves her disposable camera into a pocket on her pants.

“Something’s not right,” He repeats when they meet back up, the old and new crew silently trailing behind Hange. She checks her ammunition, finding she’s low, but this is no time to do the loud process of changing it hurriedly. Levi shushes her, deftly skidding his feet against the plaster wall and gripping the window sill to peek his head over the edge and see the outside world.

The first shot is fired directly at his forehead, hitting the wall behind him when he drops down lightning fast.

“They took over the watchtower,” Levi tells them in a low voice. “Stay on the ground, stay behind the walls, and shoot on sight.”

“Sir, what are we fighting?” Petra asked, her eyes wide with fear.

Levi grimaced, glancing at Hange. “People our age. People younger, much younger. Footmen, really. They aren’t important, but they’re a nuisance.”

Oluo frowned. “What, they’re using kids again?” He spat, swearing under his breath.

Levi put a finger up to his lips, reaching for the doorknob and slowly turning it. Catching everyone’s attention, he gave the signal to run and flung it open, letting everyone scramble outside into position at the walls. The gunfire started soon after, and Hange soon found herself in a familiar situation with her back against a wall and a gun in her hands.

“This is fucking scary as shit,” Nanaba muttered after the two fired a round. “I’m killing people, Hange, and I’m not feeling any remorse.”

“Yeah, it’s weird,” Hange replied, ducking her head and gun out to take out a man who was getting a little too close for comfort. “You’ll get used to it, I think. I’m still not really, but I want to live.”

“You want to live? I want to live,” Nanaba held her gun against her chest, hugging it as a spray of bullets replaced where her body had just been. “These guys obviously don’t. Wish I had a bazooka or something.”

Hange stared through her goggles at her best friend. “This isn’t Call of Duty or some shit, Nanaba.”

It was Nanaba’s turn to stare now. “Hange, you still there? Where did the ‘I have no regard for my own safety so I’m just going to book it’ attitude go? You’ve changed.”

“I grew up,” Hange said out loud, the realization hitting her just now. Nanaba unfolded her arms from her gun, positioning it again and firing a round.

“I just killed a kid,” she said hollowly. “Damnit Hange, this better be Call of Duty.”

“No, it isn’t,” said the brunette. “Nothing about life has ever been Call of Duty.”

Nanaba rolled her eyes, peeking her head and gun over the top of the wall to get a better view. She never did quite get to see the view.

Nanaba’s body, a head with a red-rimmed hole in the center fell back and hit the dirt. Hange felt the blood from her Xbox loving friend spatter her ankles, and shook her head.

“Nanaba’s down,” she said into her headset. There was static from Levi’s end, then he gave the affirmative.

Digging in her pocket, she took out the disposable camera from her pocket and snapped a photo. At least she might contribute to the file on the woman.

More static from her headset came through. “Comrades, our helicopter is here. Make your way back to the house onto the roof. I’ve got most of the snipers out, so it should be fine.”

Hange stole one more glance at Nanaba, a pool of red liquid sinking into the dirt below her. Waving good-bye, she sprinted back to the house, running into Mike along the way.

“Zoe,” He says in a panicked voice, out of breath and afraid. “Where’s Nanaba?”

She just shakes her head.

They make their way out to the roof, where an impossibly loud helicopter has a rope suspended from the edge. Hange goes first, half-climbing and half being lifted into the air and to safety, Mike trailing behind her. She grabs the side of the helicopter to steady herself to help him up, but as she’s pulling him into the plane she feels his grip slip.

She notices Levi perched at the other end of the helicopter opening, his gun hovering somewhere around the tower still. One last spray of bullets, followed by the gray-eyed man’s single shot, sends Mike into oblivion. When his eyes roll into the back of his head and all-too-familiar red liquid splashes onto her face, into her mouth, on her goggles, the world spins a bit and suddenly he’s gone.

They hover a moment, unsure if anyone else is ready to take off or not. “We took them all out,” Levi reports. Hange doesn’t know how to react, but just spits the blood from her mouth and takes out the disposable camera again, zooming in as the plane rises to take one last photo of Mike.

                Pushing her goggles onto her forehead, she collapses onto the helicopter floor against a crate of supplies, observing who is still here. Levi, Rico, and a couple dozen people whose names she never bothered to learn. There are so many missing people who she came here with, and suddenly there’s a rushing in her ears and her stomach is turning and emptying itself out the side of the helicopter.

                Levi holds her bangs out of her face while she vomits.


	10. sterile

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hange didn't listen to the meme in the previous chapter from Thumper the Super Cool Ski Instructor. Hange's having a bad time.

Return back to the base was outright depressing. The almost total loss of soldiers in the area left an impact on the morale of everyone, and the bloodbath on both ends left the military in such a peculiar situation. Damage needed to be assessed before they would go out again, and every survivor of the mission was given excuse to rest for a while.

Hange awoke with a lump in her throat and cold sweat covering her body. Sitting up, she checked the watch on her bedside table, lighting it up to see it was 3:30 in the morning. Carefully, quietly, calculatingly, she tiptoed her way to the bathroom without managing to wake anyone. She chose the last stall, away from the room, turned on the shower to the highest setting possible and sat on the floor.

* * *

 

Levi knocked on the door to the girl’s bunks, a place he was not necessarily allowed to be, but a place he found necessary to go to on this night. Hange hadn't shown up to anything today, however she'd been slated for at least a meeting with Erwin and him to talk about the latest missions. As far as he knew, she hadn't even come to breakfast. In his hands, a bouquet of sunflowers brightened the day considerably.

"Corporal Hange!" He called out, noting every bed was made, even Mina’s. At least she'd done that today.

"Corporal!" he called out again, making his way to the girl’s communal bathrooms. Finding it strange that one of the shower stalls was closed, he knocked on the wall next to it. "Miss Zoe?"

There was a gasping noise, but Hange didn't give an answer.

"Hange... are you okay? You don't sound okay. Are you hurt? Can you speak?" Levi asked. "Can I open the curtain?"

When she gave no answer, Levi hesitantly opened the curtain a fraction, enough to see a dripping wet Hange sitting naked at the corner of the shower, her face stark white and her arms wrapped so tightly around her legs that the bones stood out against the rest of her arm. Upon seeing him, she somehow curls further into herself.

She hiccupped. “I can’t get the blood off, Levi. It’s so warm. I can’t get it off.”

Levi lets go of a breath he didn't know he took in. "Shit, how long have you been here?" He asks, leaving the curtain open and grabbing a couple of the towels that stood hanging on the rack. He gave them to her, closing the curtain in the assumption that she'd stand up and put one around her... but he heard no movement, and soon found himself swaddling her in the blankets and picking her up like a groom would his bride.

People stared at them when he walked her down the hall, across the lunch hall, past the male quarters, and to medical bay. Nobody said a thing above a whisper, not even the new recruits. Levi hardly looked up from looking at her face, her eyes frozen open. People moved away for them, forming a clear passage through the crowds of people.

Hange Zoe was given a medical discharge and sent home. Sergeant Ackerman was with her while she was drove her to the airport, a silent car ride, a silent walk throughout the airport, a silent lunch before the flight took off, and a silent wave goodbye before the boarded the plane.

Levi felt a strange heaviness in his heart as he was driven away from the airport, the image of Hange's shocked-blank face burning behind his eyelids. When he came back to the base, he checked back in, and went straight to Erwin's office.

"When is the next deployment?" He asked him once he was let in.

Erwin took a long drink from his mug of coffee, setting it down with a thump. "I've just been informed that Corporal Hange has been discharged under medical terms. Was there an accident?"

Levi shook his head, grasping for the chair across from Erwin's desk, the same chair that Hange had stared at the man resolutely until she passed. "I found her in the shower. I don't know what was wrong with her, but she didn't respond to anyone. It was like she didn't have any life left in her. She just kept saying she couldn’t wash blood off of her." As Levi spoke, he felt his body go cold, realizing the weight and truth to his words. "I don't really think she recognized me."

Erwin palmed his forehead, sighing and reaching into his desk drawer. "Can you go into my filing cabinet and retrieve her file?"

"Yes sir, but, my question still stands," Levi took the key from the blonde man, making his way to the towering cabinets.

"I heard you."

When Levi retrieved the thick file and tried to hand it to Erwin, who simply pushed it back into Levi's hands.

"Read it, Ackerman. I give you permission," He took another long drink from his coffee.

Hesitantly, Levi opened the file. Her smiling face was clipped to the folder, but that was the end of all the smiles.

_Orphaned at age five, parents unknown. Has little to no recollection of parents, however shows habits that suggest they were present. Medical examination indicates a blow to the head--perhaps the reason she doesn't remember? Investigate._

                Someone's handwriting started in black pen, loopy handwriting that didn't belong to her. There were several more copies handwritten documents, all dated for September 6th in ascending years.

_Today was her tenth birthday. Zoe gets along with the rest of the children well, going as far as to call them her siblings. It is a habit that must be broken, among her habit of bowing. This morning, she asked me to call her "Hange" rather than her first name. Is she starting to become independent, at such a young age?_

This entry was written in the same handwriting, only in blue ballpoint pen. They all seemed to be journaling of her previous year, from education, to times she'd skinned her knee, to times she'd had a cold. It was odd, looking at the years of her life, and Levi felt like he was intruding. He quickly stopped reading the reports. Instead, Levi looked at the photographs, and the journals Hange had been required to write, and some on different paper that she probably hadn't intended for this file.

_I signed up for my passport last night, that big shebang. I was talking to Nanaba and Mike about our futures, and none of us know what we're going to do. Mike said maybe he'd join the military and laughed, he said he wasn't suicidal. But I think it sounds like a pretty good idea. There are some decent benefits for wayward souls like us. And I mean, really. It's not that bad of an idea._

The army issued paper was crisp on the next one.

_I killed a man today. Strangely, I don't feel as much remorse or regret as I expected to. When Ackerman interrogated me... I was scared, and I lied to him to get in. I thought I'd go off the deep end. But I'm still here, I'm still intact. I'm not off the deep end yet. I guess killing people isn't so bad. God, that's terrible to write._

                There was a final journaling, her narrow handwriting more cramped than ever before, written on a paper napkin in ballpoint pen _._

_I don't know what to title this. I don't remember how to feel anymore. I think the last time I actually wrote out what happens was when I first killed someone. Now… It’s so normal. Putting it on paper makes it feel real. I just know I'm terrified now. I'm so terrified. I'm terrified that I'll be deployed and I'll have to see the faces of everyone who is scared of us again. I tell them that I won't hurt them. But there was that kid, his dad I killed. Right in front of him. How can I still tell him I won't hurt him after I just did that? I can't live with myself lately. I don't remember how to sleep or eat. The only thing getting me through this is that Ackerman guy. He's like a solid rock in this place, does nothing move him? He's always irritated by me. But that's the way people were at home. It's normal. It's ok. I have five years of this place left. I think, as long as that Ackerman is here, I can get through the next five years._

The last sentence he had to read twice, for his eyes were blurring so badly that he seriously considered if her was going blind. He rubbed them, his hands coming back wet.

"She wasn't... it was all an act? You knew?" Levi asked, his voice thick. He wiped a trail of salt water from his cheek.  "Shit Smith, sorry. I should have better control over myself by now."

Erwin shook his head. "No, it's fine. Yeah, it was an act. She was brilliant on the field, but considering her past, and these journals... I was very surprised that she lasted as long as she did."

"She was strong," Levi whispered. "The privates call me something like 'humanity's strongest', but... no, she is."

"Post-traumatic stress disorder." Erwin said quietly, draining the coffee from his mug. "It happens to the best of us."

They sat in silence for a moment before Erwin spoke up. "The next deployment is in one month. It will last approximately a year."

Levi simply gave up on being a strong man, and instead, allowed himself to be reduced back to a man with feelings. While he held his face in his hands, Erwin made him a cup of steaming tea. He composed himself, drank a sip of the tea, and announced,

"I'm done after this, then. You said I could leave any time after I was promoted. I'm done after this."

 


	11. all you need is love

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> gettin' cute again now

The next deployment was like every other deployment to Levi. He suited up, packed his suitcase, and was on the plane before he even knew what was happening. When he was handed his gun, the familiar feeling of the trigger was almost comforting. The only difference about this deployment was the hollow feeling in his chest, and how it panged every time he landed a shot. That, and the fact that he doesn't buy tea as his souvenir this time. He would no longer need to after this.

When they finally boarded the plane home, it was a godsend. Levi handed his gun back in for one last time. Added a final notch onto the sole of his boot, a rather worn sole by this time. For once, he didn't care that he was dirty. He just cared that he was going home.

When they finally landed, Levi showered. He changed into plainclothes, shaved, and grabbed his things. He did not look back at the room that had been his temporary home for years while at home base. It was temporary, just like his time here.

When Levi stopped at Erwin Smith's office for one last time, he was surprised to see him in plainclothes too. He carried a briefcase, in which he took two files out of. His, and Hange's. On his, the words _honorable discharge_ were stamped onto his general information. He was done. Finally. He'd thought it'd never end.

"Levi," Erwin's voice jerked him out of his thoughts. "Before you really go home, I'd like to take you someplace."

He blinked. "Yes sir," he said automatically. It suddenly occurred to him that he would have to break his habit of replying with that soon. After all, he was no longer a sergeant.

When they put Levi's luggage in the bed of Erwin's truck instead of the backseat of the double cab, Levi found this odd, but didn't question it. He learned to stop questioning Erwin a long time ago. Instead, he rode in the front seat along with Erwin, his eyes closed for most of the way, savoring the way plush insides felt against his back, and how the air was cold.

His eyes were closed for most of the way, at least. When his face started to go numb he opened them again, finally noticing that the seasons had changed since he'd last been outside of the base. It was the start of winter, orange and brown leaves barely clinging to the trees outside and a thin layer of frost on the ground.

 _You know that time right in between winter and fall? Yeah, that's my favorite. I don't really have a favorite season, but I love that._ Her voice echoed in his head. He closed his eyes again, wondering where Hange was now.

After about twenty minutes, the pickup trick stopped. "Don't open your eyes yet," Erwin said to him, getting out and opening the door on Levi's side. Levi climbed out expertly, used to sand and dirt in his eyes and his vision being poor due to other conditions. Erwin guided him blindly somewhere, making sure he didn't slip on the ice. When they stepped into warmth again, he was guided to a chair. This place smelled like a hospital; was it a hospital? The idea of being brought to a hospital made the hair on the back of his neck rise. There were some hushed whispers, a female giggle, and a fresh wave of air.

"Levi, you can open your eyes now," Erwin says. And so he does, to the smile of a woman with chestnut hair, a yellow blouse, a long dark skirt and wire-framed glasses on her nose.

"Hello, Sergeant Ackerman. It's been awhile," she said, loud as ever. "You look like hell."

"Hello, Corporal Hange. You seem to be fairing much better, I'll admit," he said, words and breathing failing him. Was it really her?

"Well sir, it hasn't been a nice road. But yours hasn't been either, I assume," she said with her usual grin. The contrast between the Hange he had last seen and this Hange now... he could hardly believe this was real.

"Shitty glasses?"

Her voice is the same as always. "Yeah?"

Levi doesn't remember when he stood up, but she smells good again, so unlike the citrus perfume she used on the field, but a much more gentle lavender. The hug catches them both by surprise, and soon they're both crying and he doesn't remember when they began saying "I love you" but they're both sure as hell happy when they do. Erwin and the attendant sit on the uncomfortable waiting room chairs, grinning like maniacs.

Through a series of dates, Hange and Levi slowly assimilated themselves back into everyday life. They visited the orphanage, a bittersweet visit with both the good news of their arrivals and the terrible of the loss of so many innocent lives. Later they found themselves in a small apartment together, working themselves half to death until they collapsed every day in the dead of night, curling their exhausted bodies around each other and adding a little more to the savings fund for a home.

It's on a beach date one summer sunset that Levi Ackerman asks Hange on one knee to marry him, a bunch of the tiny weed-like sunflowers lining the beachside in her hands. He slips the ring from the curio shop in the desert over her finger, silver and green over ivory.  It's in the Church of the Rose that Hange becomes Ackerman. He still calls her Hange though, because she still prefers it to Zoe even after all this time. Finally after so much work, the house is bought, one more extra room than they need.


	12. the kids are alright

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> final chapter! fluffy fluffy fluffy

 

In the years after their service, Hange and Levi found themselves in the suburbs of a happy neighborhood, the kind where block parties were still a legitimate monthly event and there were at least two groups of children running around at all daylight hours.

The routine life and constant energy was perfect for them, giving them with little time to think about their past life. Somehow, they created another mouth to feed, and oftentimes several others. They had never predicted that their little Mikasa would repair their lives in more than just the obvious ways, and they had never predicted that such a small child could have so many friends.

 It was covered in tomato goop and sticky dough and trying to calm two restless children on the kitchen counter that Levi found Hange today. When he handed her a bundle of thick green stems, all the annoyance and stress in her eyes were instantly replaced with a sparkle of joy at the corner of her eyes.

"You make me feel like a teenager again," she laughed, bringing the bright yellow and brown bundle to her nose and inhaling. "You even remember my favorites. Thank you," she leaned down and gave him a peck on the nose.

"Of course, you're my wife, crappy-glasses. How could I forget?" Levi laughed, taking in the kitchen surroundings. He laughed a lot more now, although those laughs were still rare. _He must have had a good day_ , Hange thought. "Did a tomato bomb go off in here? Is this flour?" he asked.

Hange blinked. "Something like that. Don't start cleaning yet, it'll just get ruined again."

"Note taken," Levi said dryly. "I'll at least clean these two troublemakers up. C'mon, Mikasa, Eren. You guys have tomato in your hair. Is this glue?"

The laugh that came from Mikasa only belonged to a child. "It's spaghetti!"

"Miss Zoe made spaghetti noodles and sauce for dinner!" Eren shouted, wiggling off the countertop. He held his hand out for Mikasa, who jumped off and took it.

"I can see," Levi said, observing the hanging racks overflowing with drying pasta and the two pots simmering on the stove. He felt a pang in his chest when Eren said her name like that, remembering another day and age. "And you kiddos helped?" He managed.

"Yeah! Miss Zoe let me do the tomato crushing and Mikasa made the dough with her hands!" Despite not being a relative, Eren seemed to have the same loud voice that Hange did when it came to speaking.

Levi shook his head at the mention of the name again, trying to clear his head of those memories. "Eren, voice level. That's good, that's good. Let's get you guys cleaned up now, okay? Can you start the bath?"

"Sure!" Mikasa said, and the two children ran off to the bathroom, giggling every moment of the way. Levi leaned over the countertop suddenly, his knees weak and his head spinning.

Hange noticed this, letting the spoon fall into the pot of tomato sauce and slowly walking over to her husband. She hugged his bent over frame, peeling him from the counter and letting him lay his head on her shoulder.

"It’s okay, Levi. It's okay. We aren't there anymore, we're safe, we're home," she said softly, feeling him shudder in her grasp. "It's okay."

A couple minutes went by where Levi collected himself, and he stood properly to look her in the eyes.

"When I found you in the shower, I called you Miss Zoe, but I didn't feel like myself. I felt like an onlooker into a terrible scene. I don't know if you really knew who I was. Why does that kid call you that, of all names?" He whispered in a painfully tight voice.

"I knew who you were. How could I not? You were the only one who called me that," she replied. "Because he doesn't know any better and we never speak about it. It weirds me out too. But I'm getting used to it, apparently Carla finally taught him some manners."

"Carla needs to keep her kid rude..." he mumbled, reading up to kiss Hange. Just like that time on the field, he still somehow managed to make her forget everything but that when he kissed her. It was funny, because Hange liked kissing him better than she liked banging him. She tasted like tomatoes and he tasted like those Altoid mints he was addicted to.

"How long has it been since you slept well?" He asks her when they break apart, noticing the circles under her eyes.

"Oh, I slept," she laughs. "It's just some old habits die hard. I've been up since six."

He laughed as well. "I'm lucky work makes me get up at five, I guess."

Hange frowned, ruffling his hair. "It's lonely to wake up scared and alone, you know. I wish you'd wake me up with you."

"I would," Levi says while laughing under his breath. "But you always waste my time in the morning, you're too goddamn cute, shitty-glasses."

"Mmm, I'll make an effort not to be so distracting. My morning breath must be so sexy."

"You're sexy any time of day... but not with breath that smells like shit." Levi glanced over Hange's shoulder, noticing frothing bubbles at the pots. "The sauce is overboiling, and the kids might overfill the tub again."

Hange shrieked, practically running to the stove to move the pots and stir them. Levi made his way through the house to notice the kids had indeed almost overfilled the tub again, stopping them at the last second. Soon he felt he was the one getting a bath, rather than the two children.

When everyone was finally clean and dry and a homemade dinner was served on the table, after the Yeagers had been called and it was confirmed that Eren would be spending yet another night in the Ackerman residence, and after the two children had finally fallen asleep and the lights all up and down the street had been put out, that the two veterans finally were able to talk in peace.

"You were in a good mood today," Hange said offhandedly as she massaged the palm of Levi’s hand.

Levi nodded. “Yeah, I realized something when I woke up this morning.”

She turned her head. “And that was?”

Levi turned his body to face hers, muting the television. “I realized that I wake up every morning next to the most decent-looking woman I know. I have a lovely daughter and the rest of my life sorted out. I’ve always known those facts, but they were just facts up until this morning. I suppose I finally woke up.”

“You stopped feeling like everything was a dream and it might all be shattered in just a moment,” Hange murmured. “When I had Mikasa, even through all that pain the moment I saw her I realized I was living.”

“We are the kids who weren’t alright,” Levi presses his forehead against hers, the tips of their noses touching. “But our kids will be alright. Life is not a dream.”

“I love you, Levi Ackerman.” Her voice is almost a whisper, as if anything louder might break the moment.

“I love you too, Zoe Hange Ackerman,” he breathed back. “And as long as we love each other, it will be alright.”

The two smiled.

“Alright.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thank you for staying beside me in my struggles of finishing this monster. stay tuned for more Levihan hell in my recent little ficlets. 
> 
> also: levi does struggle a little with PSTD (read: a lot) yet he's too prideful to see someone for it. He turns out okay in the end, because Hange's a good teacher and uses what she learned in therapy to help him when he needs it.


End file.
